Spiritual Motherhood and Raising Children
Parenting methods vary greatly from culture to culture, and different outcomes can be observed depending on the culture. In Indian culture, for example, it is considered that a child cannot do anything wrong before the age of five. No distinction is made between a boy and a girl, parents and family members give them love and attention without any conditions. And toddlers never do anything wrong, everything they do is considered endearing, and they are praised for everything.
This develops a certain kind of mental self-confidence in the growing individual. It is very good if
the child receives such treatment before the age of five. And if he does something naughty, it is not taken seriously. Like this: "Little dude, couldn't you do anything else!" Little attention is paid to naughty deeds, and the child is praised for every small performance. This is very good psychology for a young child.
Even when a child is in a difficult two-year-old, teasing, screaming and screaming, wanting this and that, the best way is to smile and ignore, and then when the child does something good, he is praised lavishly. When a child is naughty, it is ignored or taken lightly because the child is very small and cannot behave.
But during a child’s outburst of anger, he should not be given much attention, but should be indifferent, ignore it, and not reinforce it. And when the child is kind, you praise, “Oh how sweet a child,” and you give a lot of love. A child who is treated this way for a long time will leave tantrums. He notices, "Mom and Dad love me very much and whatever I do, they find it wonderful."
In this way, the child acquires a positive perception of his own self and no longer starts to tease, because if he does, he will achieve nothing with it. Such a child becomes very adaptable and well-behaved when he receives as much love as possible and is not subjected to negative attention because of bad behavior.
Before the age of five, with very few exceptions, a child is not inclinedsadhana (meditation). A five-year-old can be given a nama mantra (simple meditation instruction). It is good for an infant who does not do sadhana to sit in the arms of a meditating parent or to be in the same room and learn to sit quietly close to the parent while he or
she is meditating, as it gives the child a good feeling. Or in the evening after the evening fairy tale when the child sees the father and mother sitting on the bed meditating, the child feels a warm safe vibration of meditation that affects the child’s sleep, mind and development.
Another aspect: the child should not be left alone. In some countries, it is fashionable to think that a child should be independent and should sleep in his or her own room from an early age, and that he or she should have his or her own bed and not be so attached to his or her parents. But after all, a child is completely dependent, he or she will not survive without a parent. Of course he is completely addicted and why not. How does a child feel to sleep in a room on their own when it is unable to take care of itself? It can only lie in a crib. What a scary experience for a small child. The child should sleep close to the parents. She should feel that mom and dad are very close. "I'm just crying for the little one and they'll be right there." The child should have such a sense of intimacy.
At what age can a child have their own room?
When a child wants their own room. At the age of 5-6 the child may already have a desire in this direction,
at the age of 8-9 he is certainly ready. The child may have their own room, but may want to sleep close to their parents. And if a child comes to the parents ’bed, if the child wants their own bed next to the parents’ bed or sleeps in the same bed with the parents, there is no harm in that, and in many cultures it is encouraged. You may find that in those cultures where a child receives such physical security, he or she is more emotionally balanced.
The best situation is when the child is given plenty of love and the parents do mental exercises and the child gets physical contact and intimacy so that he does not feel alone and helpless in his bed when no one comes even when he is crying. In this case, the child knows: "I am so anxious, how I stay alive, I'm helpless here alone, no one will come," and this gives rise to a deep fear in his mind. It's not healthy. Instead, a child whose mother or father comes every time he cries knows that every time he yells, the father comes or the mother comes, and he feels safe.
When she grows up and gets out of bed herself, she can go get her dad and mom to her, she can do it herself and she doesn’t have to worry. Here is the difference.
The infant has come from the womb and is helpless when he enters the world, the human child is not like some animals that are able to take care of themselves, he is still completely helpless and so he should be cared for as if he were still partially in the womb. Give him physical contact, unconditional love.
But as the child grows a little bigger, the situation is different. When he is already able to take some care of himself, he can be given more space, but not by pushing, but according to the needs of the child. You give your child a beautiful room of their own and he is very excited, all his toys are there. But if a child wakes up at night and wants to come next to mom and dad, it shouldn’t be denied. You don't say, "Why don't you stay in your own room!" Again, you show selfless love, you give physical intimacy, and you don’t judge.
And when a child is misbehaving, smile at it and don’t care. When the child throws himself on the floor, gagging his arms and legs and screaming and screaming, the mother says, “Come when you’re done,” and leaves the child alone and pays no more attention to the child. And when a child comes and is kind, the mother says, “Oh when a sweet child,” and the mother doesn’t have to say anything about teasing or preach to the child, the child doesn’t have the ability to understand what the mother is talking about, she doesn’t even know what the mother is talking about.
This develops a certain kind of mental self-confidence in the growing individual. It is very good if
the child receives such treatment before the age of five. And if he does something naughty, it is not taken seriously. Like this: "Little dude, couldn't you do anything else!" Little attention is paid to naughty deeds, and the child is praised for every small performance. This is very good psychology for a young child.
Even when a child is in a difficult two-year-old, teasing, screaming and screaming, wanting this and that, the best way is to smile and ignore, and then when the child does something good, he is praised lavishly. When a child is naughty, it is ignored or taken lightly because the child is very small and cannot behave.
But during a child’s outburst of anger, he should not be given much attention, but should be indifferent, ignore it, and not reinforce it. And when the child is kind, you praise, “Oh how sweet a child,” and you give a lot of love. A child who is treated this way for a long time will leave tantrums. He notices, "Mom and Dad love me very much and whatever I do, they find it wonderful."
In this way, the child acquires a positive perception of his own self and no longer starts to tease, because if he does, he will achieve nothing with it. Such a child becomes very adaptable and well-behaved when he receives as much love as possible and is not subjected to negative attention because of bad behavior.
Before the age of five, with very few exceptions, a child is not inclinedsadhana (meditation). A five-year-old can be given a nama mantra (simple meditation instruction). It is good for an infant who does not do sadhana to sit in the arms of a meditating parent or to be in the same room and learn to sit quietly close to the parent while he or
she is meditating, as it gives the child a good feeling. Or in the evening after the evening fairy tale when the child sees the father and mother sitting on the bed meditating, the child feels a warm safe vibration of meditation that affects the child’s sleep, mind and development.
Another aspect: the child should not be left alone. In some countries, it is fashionable to think that a child should be independent and should sleep in his or her own room from an early age, and that he or she should have his or her own bed and not be so attached to his or her parents. But after all, a child is completely dependent, he or she will not survive without a parent. Of course he is completely addicted and why not. How does a child feel to sleep in a room on their own when it is unable to take care of itself? It can only lie in a crib. What a scary experience for a small child. The child should sleep close to the parents. She should feel that mom and dad are very close. "I'm just crying for the little one and they'll be right there." The child should have such a sense of intimacy.
At what age can a child have their own room?
When a child wants their own room. At the age of 5-6 the child may already have a desire in this direction,
at the age of 8-9 he is certainly ready. The child may have their own room, but may want to sleep close to their parents. And if a child comes to the parents ’bed, if the child wants their own bed next to the parents’ bed or sleeps in the same bed with the parents, there is no harm in that, and in many cultures it is encouraged. You may find that in those cultures where a child receives such physical security, he or she is more emotionally balanced.
The best situation is when the child is given plenty of love and the parents do mental exercises and the child gets physical contact and intimacy so that he does not feel alone and helpless in his bed when no one comes even when he is crying. In this case, the child knows: "I am so anxious, how I stay alive, I'm helpless here alone, no one will come," and this gives rise to a deep fear in his mind. It's not healthy. Instead, a child whose mother or father comes every time he cries knows that every time he yells, the father comes or the mother comes, and he feels safe.
When she grows up and gets out of bed herself, she can go get her dad and mom to her, she can do it herself and she doesn’t have to worry. Here is the difference.
The infant has come from the womb and is helpless when he enters the world, the human child is not like some animals that are able to take care of themselves, he is still completely helpless and so he should be cared for as if he were still partially in the womb. Give him physical contact, unconditional love.
But as the child grows a little bigger, the situation is different. When he is already able to take some care of himself, he can be given more space, but not by pushing, but according to the needs of the child. You give your child a beautiful room of their own and he is very excited, all his toys are there. But if a child wakes up at night and wants to come next to mom and dad, it shouldn’t be denied. You don't say, "Why don't you stay in your own room!" Again, you show selfless love, you give physical intimacy, and you don’t judge.
And when a child is misbehaving, smile at it and don’t care. When the child throws himself on the floor, gagging his arms and legs and screaming and screaming, the mother says, “Come when you’re done,” and leaves the child alone and pays no more attention to the child. And when a child comes and is kind, the mother says, “Oh when a sweet child,” and the mother doesn’t have to say anything about teasing or preach to the child, the child doesn’t have the ability to understand what the mother is talking about, she doesn’t even know what the mother is talking about.
It is especially embarrassing when a child gets a tantrum in the store.
If it happens in a store, you don’t take it seriously and you don’t use a negative tone when talking to a child.
Lift the child up and take it out. It often happens that parents are so embarrassed by what others think that they lose their temper and get angry at the child who has embarrassed them. But the child could not behave any other way. And then the child thinks: "I am really angered the father and mother," and what does he do? He feels he has gained strength and impression with his tantrum in trade and is using that means more and more. You better say to the child, “Oops, come, I’ll take you to the car right now because you’re not properly in the store. When you shop, you have to be kind. ” And you take the child to the car and let him cry and yawn in the car, and you don’t pay attention to him, but take him home. Thus, before the age of five, a child should not be convicted.
- What about when a child is over five?
A child five years of age or older can be taught meditation if he or she is prone to it, but the child should not be forced to sit because it will provoke a backlash in the child. You can inspire her to sit down and give her a little treat every time she sits, but the baby shouldn’t be forced and make her feel uncomfortable. If your child is very lively, he or she may have difficulty sitting. If the child is calm in nature, the situation is different. It may be easier for a child of Asian descent to sit. But if a child becomes restless, he does not have to sit, but even if the child is playing in a room where you are doing sadhana or sitting in bed before going to bed when you are doing sadhana , this has a good effect until you are ten years old.
If a 5-10 year old has fears of waking up at night or at night and wants to come next to his or her parents, he or she should not be denied. He must be given love unconditionally.
By the age of five, the child's mind is already so developed that he begins to distinguish good from evil. So if a child commits a malicious act - even at the age of 5-6 a child can be malicious to other children - he should be given a small punishment. If a child is playing with his friends and bullying his friend, you will not be indifferent to it. To a child this age, you use discipline and say, "You can't pull your friend by the hair, it's not appropriate, come here, you have to sit in a corner until you know how to be kind, and then you go to your friend and apologize, and then you can play together again."
Such discipline breeding begins at about the age of five. Still, not too much is explained to the 5-7 year old, the reason is not appealed, but it is said, “No, that is not kind! Come and sit here until you calm down and you are kind and then you go to apologize. ” You give instructions, note, it’s about giving instructions, but again, you don’t get mad at the child, you don’t blame him, “What’s wrong with you when you rail one’s hair, a nasty child, why you pull another’s hair that’s wrong, go to the corner,” - no like this. No hint that he’s not good, no blaming, rather, “No, you can’t do that, that’s not the right use, go to the corner until you’re calm and you know how to be pretty with your friend and apologize.” It is not about blaming, it is about giving instructions.Thus, upbringing should be a simple giving of instructions without anger, reproach, and blame.
Children aged 5-15 follow discipline as long as there is a lot of love involved. There must be more love than discipline. If a child’s guardian always wants to bring the child under control but does not show love to the child, this becomes fatal. It is not discipline, but inspiration that inspires the child, and it must come from love. Love and optimism - and also discipline is important as long as it is reasonable and it is combined with love and inspiration. It is better to grow through inspiration than to punish failure.
- Can you say something to mothers, many mothers in Finland are lonely, alone with a child.
Mothers are very lonely, in Finland it is a national problem. People used to live in Finland in large families, in communities. But now they live alone, and during the long dark winters, it’s not good. Unfortunately, this has become a habit in the more prosperous countries of the modern world. It is not good for people. Due to the cultural samskara people suffer. In warm countries, the situation is not so bad, because you can go out in the morning to the city and the supermarket to meet friends. But in a cold climate, the situation is different. And when a person is alone, it is dark and cold outside, he has to experience too much loneliness. People are inherently social, they’re like herds: when evening comes, they want to get together. It’s instinctive because it happens for safety’s sake. When culture brings with it an approach that goes against biological instincts, it creates controversy and people suffer.
When you look at history, different cultures around the world, people have lived together in their groups for thousands and thousands of years again. They have lived in communities. If they went into the woods and built their cottages, they built them close together, not that one cottage was here and the other a couple of miles away. Maybe some unusual people did, but most people lived close together. This is typical of human nature.
- What can a single mother do?
When a mother is alone with a child, she needs to find stakeholders. The same situation is in this country (USA). Too many mothers are isolated these days, the mother is not respected enough, the grandmother is not present, the aunts are not present, there is no one to take care of the child. Mothers also do not get a moment of rest during their period, they do not get the rest they need. In the old days, grandmothers and aunts cared for children when the mother was menstruating, and the mother could rest. This is another problem. A woman is assumed to be like a man, equally active throughout the month and not taking into account menstruation and that she would need some rest. It is not considered appropriate, but it is a cultural perspective.
So what can be done in an unnatural situation so that people can live as naturally as possible? They should be made aware of their biological tendencies. There is a discipline that can be invoked, biopsychology, developmental psychology that explores ancient times, that studies patterns of behavior throughout history, it’s not anthropology, in fact, it’s a kind of psychology. Exploring people’s psychological tendencies throughout human history. If you look 40,000 years back and through history of how people have lived, then you see what human biology is.
You can get scientific information from the library or through a computer, which convinces people.
Another good way to serve people is to make people aware of their own lifestyle and its impact on their happiness. This is important because otherwise you are trying to cover the root cause of the problem with a patch. Man tries to deny his natural biological tendencies because there is no way to think that you really feel that way - a lot of denial happens.
But the fact is that those feelings exist, and next the person goes to a psychiatrist and asks for antidepressant. He then eats pills and tries to use medicine to compensate for the fact that his whole physiology, his intuition, his whole biology communicates: things should be different when they are. But he is not supposed to feel that way. The discrepancy is too great.
That's not his fault. It is a disease of society, a society that denies man.
Society loses its balance when there is a conflict between a person’s basic nature, basic needs, and what society expects a person to be. Thus, this situation is not only in Finland, the same situation is in all western prosperous countries. The time of capitalist abundance and decay that has brought such a disease to the rich countries of the world is now coming to an end.
But back to the problem of a single mother - I look at it a little more broadly - frankly, how can I only talk about a mother who is lonely with her child. There is a reason for this and it is broader than the mother’s own situation. But since she is alone with her child, she should realize that she should accept her own instincts, accept the desire to be someone - aunt, uncle, own mother -
Or a community that would help her raise children. And then do everything you can to meet other people, fulfill your instinctive needs where possible, join mother groups, kindergarten groups, mother safety networks, even set them up yourself if they don’t exist: she’s certainly not the only mother with that problem, trying to meet neighbors, trying to do his best in that situation to get the kind of safety net his biology needs and, most importantly, not to judge himself for having those needs, realizes that the fault is not in him because he needs antidepressant - maybe he needs medicine because too much - but the fault is not in him, though he has these feelings. Something is wrong with a society that has not provided a suitable environment that has not met his needs.If he realizes this, it will also help him.
So many women, thousands and thousands of women, are alone and lonely raising their children in this way, and they have no one to turn to. The husband says, “What are you?” But he works all day with friends and the wife thinks, “There’s something wrong with me, I’m not as I should be. I wish I was a slightly stronger person, but I have neurotic needs. ” This is not a neurotic need: people have lived for millennia in groups, tribes, families close together. It is not characteristic of man to be alone in this way, and to top it all off, it’s about survival, even in a prosperous country it’s about getting bread. And a woman needs rest during menstruation, but no attention is paid to it, she should be like a man, like a vending machine, all month she should be just as functional.
These are things that affect the family and the woman. So many women have been led to believe that they have mental health problems. This is part of the oppression of women at this stage in the development of society. Yes, specifically oppression, because women have been led to believe that they have problems, even though the problem is found in a society that has not given them the right kind of living environment.
If it happens in a store, you don’t take it seriously and you don’t use a negative tone when talking to a child.
Lift the child up and take it out. It often happens that parents are so embarrassed by what others think that they lose their temper and get angry at the child who has embarrassed them. But the child could not behave any other way. And then the child thinks: "I am really angered the father and mother," and what does he do? He feels he has gained strength and impression with his tantrum in trade and is using that means more and more. You better say to the child, “Oops, come, I’ll take you to the car right now because you’re not properly in the store. When you shop, you have to be kind. ” And you take the child to the car and let him cry and yawn in the car, and you don’t pay attention to him, but take him home. Thus, before the age of five, a child should not be convicted.
- What about when a child is over five?
A child five years of age or older can be taught meditation if he or she is prone to it, but the child should not be forced to sit because it will provoke a backlash in the child. You can inspire her to sit down and give her a little treat every time she sits, but the baby shouldn’t be forced and make her feel uncomfortable. If your child is very lively, he or she may have difficulty sitting. If the child is calm in nature, the situation is different. It may be easier for a child of Asian descent to sit. But if a child becomes restless, he does not have to sit, but even if the child is playing in a room where you are doing sadhana or sitting in bed before going to bed when you are doing sadhana , this has a good effect until you are ten years old.
If a 5-10 year old has fears of waking up at night or at night and wants to come next to his or her parents, he or she should not be denied. He must be given love unconditionally.
By the age of five, the child's mind is already so developed that he begins to distinguish good from evil. So if a child commits a malicious act - even at the age of 5-6 a child can be malicious to other children - he should be given a small punishment. If a child is playing with his friends and bullying his friend, you will not be indifferent to it. To a child this age, you use discipline and say, "You can't pull your friend by the hair, it's not appropriate, come here, you have to sit in a corner until you know how to be kind, and then you go to your friend and apologize, and then you can play together again."
Such discipline breeding begins at about the age of five. Still, not too much is explained to the 5-7 year old, the reason is not appealed, but it is said, “No, that is not kind! Come and sit here until you calm down and you are kind and then you go to apologize. ” You give instructions, note, it’s about giving instructions, but again, you don’t get mad at the child, you don’t blame him, “What’s wrong with you when you rail one’s hair, a nasty child, why you pull another’s hair that’s wrong, go to the corner,” - no like this. No hint that he’s not good, no blaming, rather, “No, you can’t do that, that’s not the right use, go to the corner until you’re calm and you know how to be pretty with your friend and apologize.” It is not about blaming, it is about giving instructions.Thus, upbringing should be a simple giving of instructions without anger, reproach, and blame.
Children aged 5-15 follow discipline as long as there is a lot of love involved. There must be more love than discipline. If a child’s guardian always wants to bring the child under control but does not show love to the child, this becomes fatal. It is not discipline, but inspiration that inspires the child, and it must come from love. Love and optimism - and also discipline is important as long as it is reasonable and it is combined with love and inspiration. It is better to grow through inspiration than to punish failure.
- Can you say something to mothers, many mothers in Finland are lonely, alone with a child.
Mothers are very lonely, in Finland it is a national problem. People used to live in Finland in large families, in communities. But now they live alone, and during the long dark winters, it’s not good. Unfortunately, this has become a habit in the more prosperous countries of the modern world. It is not good for people. Due to the cultural samskara people suffer. In warm countries, the situation is not so bad, because you can go out in the morning to the city and the supermarket to meet friends. But in a cold climate, the situation is different. And when a person is alone, it is dark and cold outside, he has to experience too much loneliness. People are inherently social, they’re like herds: when evening comes, they want to get together. It’s instinctive because it happens for safety’s sake. When culture brings with it an approach that goes against biological instincts, it creates controversy and people suffer.
When you look at history, different cultures around the world, people have lived together in their groups for thousands and thousands of years again. They have lived in communities. If they went into the woods and built their cottages, they built them close together, not that one cottage was here and the other a couple of miles away. Maybe some unusual people did, but most people lived close together. This is typical of human nature.
- What can a single mother do?
When a mother is alone with a child, she needs to find stakeholders. The same situation is in this country (USA). Too many mothers are isolated these days, the mother is not respected enough, the grandmother is not present, the aunts are not present, there is no one to take care of the child. Mothers also do not get a moment of rest during their period, they do not get the rest they need. In the old days, grandmothers and aunts cared for children when the mother was menstruating, and the mother could rest. This is another problem. A woman is assumed to be like a man, equally active throughout the month and not taking into account menstruation and that she would need some rest. It is not considered appropriate, but it is a cultural perspective.
So what can be done in an unnatural situation so that people can live as naturally as possible? They should be made aware of their biological tendencies. There is a discipline that can be invoked, biopsychology, developmental psychology that explores ancient times, that studies patterns of behavior throughout history, it’s not anthropology, in fact, it’s a kind of psychology. Exploring people’s psychological tendencies throughout human history. If you look 40,000 years back and through history of how people have lived, then you see what human biology is.
You can get scientific information from the library or through a computer, which convinces people.
Another good way to serve people is to make people aware of their own lifestyle and its impact on their happiness. This is important because otherwise you are trying to cover the root cause of the problem with a patch. Man tries to deny his natural biological tendencies because there is no way to think that you really feel that way - a lot of denial happens.
But the fact is that those feelings exist, and next the person goes to a psychiatrist and asks for antidepressant. He then eats pills and tries to use medicine to compensate for the fact that his whole physiology, his intuition, his whole biology communicates: things should be different when they are. But he is not supposed to feel that way. The discrepancy is too great.
That's not his fault. It is a disease of society, a society that denies man.
Society loses its balance when there is a conflict between a person’s basic nature, basic needs, and what society expects a person to be. Thus, this situation is not only in Finland, the same situation is in all western prosperous countries. The time of capitalist abundance and decay that has brought such a disease to the rich countries of the world is now coming to an end.
But back to the problem of a single mother - I look at it a little more broadly - frankly, how can I only talk about a mother who is lonely with her child. There is a reason for this and it is broader than the mother’s own situation. But since she is alone with her child, she should realize that she should accept her own instincts, accept the desire to be someone - aunt, uncle, own mother -
Or a community that would help her raise children. And then do everything you can to meet other people, fulfill your instinctive needs where possible, join mother groups, kindergarten groups, mother safety networks, even set them up yourself if they don’t exist: she’s certainly not the only mother with that problem, trying to meet neighbors, trying to do his best in that situation to get the kind of safety net his biology needs and, most importantly, not to judge himself for having those needs, realizes that the fault is not in him because he needs antidepressant - maybe he needs medicine because too much - but the fault is not in him, though he has these feelings. Something is wrong with a society that has not provided a suitable environment that has not met his needs.If he realizes this, it will also help him.
So many women, thousands and thousands of women, are alone and lonely raising their children in this way, and they have no one to turn to. The husband says, “What are you?” But he works all day with friends and the wife thinks, “There’s something wrong with me, I’m not as I should be. I wish I was a slightly stronger person, but I have neurotic needs. ” This is not a neurotic need: people have lived for millennia in groups, tribes, families close together. It is not characteristic of man to be alone in this way, and to top it all off, it’s about survival, even in a prosperous country it’s about getting bread. And a woman needs rest during menstruation, but no attention is paid to it, she should be like a man, like a vending machine, all month she should be just as functional.
These are things that affect the family and the woman. So many women have been led to believe that they have mental health problems. This is part of the oppression of women at this stage in the development of society. Yes, specifically oppression, because women have been led to believe that they have problems, even though the problem is found in a society that has not given them the right kind of living environment.
